Progressing back to childhood

Freud defined age regression to an earlier stage of development as an unconscious defense mechanism. And yet.. there is a level of wisdom where abandoning one’s stuck up, rigid ways and becoming a kid again, becomes an expression of ultimate intelligence. It comes when you realize the limits of your smartness to get you “That”, the ultimate feeling of presence and wild abandon. And realising this is what you actually want.

Here the kids have a lot more to teach us than we can teach them.

When a child starts singing a weird tune and doing a weird dance - I join in.

If he wants to break a small rule somewhere - I let him.

If he gets carried away talking and cajoling the cat and invites me to join - I join in the humanizing of the cat.

I let myself be pushed in the pool and enjoy it.

It won’t always be ‘right’ and it won’t always look good, but it will be real, unscripted and hence closer to how nature intended it to be.

The child that sees his parents find their inner child is a child that will retain joy, playfulness and authenticity. That part of us that is unconsciously yearned for, that thing we are enamored with when we see it in others and wish it for ourselves. Most of the time we are too self conscious and conditioned to feel it and most have forgotten it exists.

Why do people voluntarily repress themselves and adopt crippling defense mechanisms as they grow up?

People take on a persona they feel will be more liked, socially accepted and/or proper. The more ‘propriety’ and ‘adherence to convention’  is prioritized in the household, the more the child will create the persona that is obsessed with confirming. This is what he will be doing when he is an adult. Primarily led by the fear of not being loved by others, unless he is wearing that mask. Not empowered to explore one's own true nature and be led by one’s natural curiosity. Always seeking permission.

“Yeah, but if I don't impress on them what to do and how to behave, they will turn out into delinquents that will put me to shame..”

If they are impeding on or bothering others - tell them it's inappropriate. But if the kid is loudly singing a weird tune on the street, whilst all the adults are walking quietly… it is really not the kids' problem. It is the adult’s perception (and perhaps embarrassment) that is the problem. The kid is being himself and enjoying life. 

Beyond don’t kill, steal, abuse, poop in public and obvious things like that - the more self expression is celebrated and not looked down upon, the better. Natural mechanisms of correction can come into play and the child can adjust without being ‘adjusted’.

What about the dreaded “Will you play with me now?”

Clearly we all get tired playing kids games and can't spend too much time doing it, but you can ask for better games. Don't want to play Twister? Propose Badminton or table tennis or Risk.  Explore stargazing or den building.

Don't want to watch stupid kids tv shows with them? Say what you are and what you are not interested in, watch Percy Jackson or things that can ignite both your curiosity. Plan an adventure together instead of watching adventures on tv. The child will benefit seeing you also have interests and curiosity.

”When would I have the time to get my interests and explore my curiosity?”
Tell the child you also need ‘play dates’ with adults and alone time - there is nothing wrong with letting them know you are a human with genuine needs. This is not about sacrifice and “catering to child” or always “trying to be their friend”.

It’s about getting to know what makes you feel alive, present and engaged. Which models to the child that being an adult doesn't have to be a dread.

All this makes the parents face tricky questions:

“If I actually do what I really want as opposed to what my social circle expects me to do, if I go off script- what is the worst that will happen?”

“What do I really enjoy?

“What feeling/understanding do I ultimately want that stops the endless chases and allows me to enjoy the present?”

“What is actually possible in terms of the quality of human day-to-day experience?”

Powerful, often scary stuff that people usually put aside till they have “More time” …. 

But here is a great passage on that subject which lines up with my own experience:

“Nature loves courage. You make the commitment and nature will respond to that commitment by removing impossible obstacles. Dream the impossible dream and the world will not grind you under, it will lift you up. This is the trick. This is what all these teachers and philosophers who really counted, who really touched the alchemical gold, this is what they understood. This is the shamanic dance in the waterfall. This is how magic is done. By hurling yourself into the abyss and discovering it's a feather bed.” ~ Terence McKenna

The intellectual man has a lot to learn from the  “naivety of youth”.

Thank you for reading.