The stuff fears are made of

A look at the need for evidence before believing your own concerns.

Did you know that unexplored beliefs could be your ultimate and only enemy?

This article is a continuation of my last post where I broached the subject of undissected beliefs that power emotions.

What follows is a part of my recent chat with Tessa, a young woman coming out of college who I have known for many years. Tessa said she is scared to apply for an ambitious position she wants, because she deems it to be above her perceived level of skill. 

I asked her: What’s the worst thing that will happen if you apply to this company? The absolute worst, most disastrous outcome?

She said it would be that her fears would be confirmed.

I asked: “Fears of what?”

Tessa: “That I am not ready, I am not suitable, that they don't want to hire me.”

In the physical world nothing would break. What is actually going on is her being scared of how she will make herself feel by thinking certain thoughts and believing certain conclusions.

I asked Tessa if she would be able to observe her stream of thoughts for half a day and jot down briefly most of the thoughts that arise. She said she would.

The purpose was to show her that the entity that would be observing her thoughts cannot be the same entity as her thoughts, otherwise logically there couldn't be 2 entities, one of which is observing the other. If you are watching a movie and get emotionally involved with the wellbeing of the character, it still does not make you the character.

One of the entities is you and the other one is not you.  You are the thing that observes.

Tessa: “I never thought of it this way. I realize this is true, and if this was about someone else I would have said 'Don't be stupid, it's all nonsense fears', but when it's about me… I have no idea why I have this porridge in my head.”

Who forces us to believe the porridge in our head?

What if we actively looked for more evidence before we believed the things that arise as ‘our’ thoughts?

Back to Tessa’s original statement on her fears: “I am not ready, I am not suitable,  they don't want to hire me.”

One could dissect that into several separate beliefs:

Not being hired is a bad thing. If they don’t hire me, it can only mean that I am not suitable or ready. Me trying to apply and being rejected is a bad thing. Them not hiring me is 100% due to me and my qualities. Enough assumptions to build the Great Wall of China between her and reality!

What can be done then if one is really eager to get somewhere?

After identifying the plethora of beliefs one happens to carry, you tackle them one at a time. On paper. Out of the head. The person could ask things like:

How has this belief worked for me so far? What did it give me? Who would I be without that belief? 

Then you actively try to find reasons why that belief might not be true. Debunk your own bullshit. Logically, without wishful thinking, reduce the probability you placed on certain outcomes by seeing the possibility of other, more helpful outcomes.

If, after examination, you have no logical reason left to believe the thoughts powering your fears, then you are left with one thing only:  Feel the fear and do it anyway.

Some might want to know what happened to Tessa. She said she would iron out her beliefs. Then she came back and said she now actually wants to do something even scarier: start her own business. The thing is.. what Tessa does is not really relevant for anyone else looking to progress in their own lives. We all need to look inside ourselves for answers more often.

The most productive way I found is to have your beliefs loosely held. This is encompassed nicely in this quote by writer Robert Anton Wilson:

"I don't believe anything, but I have many suspicions"  

~ Robert Anton Wilson

The process starts with introspection, identifying and detangling each belief on paper. Testing their actual validity.

The main ingredient of success in this process? The strength of the desire to progress out of the predicament one is stuck in. This desire is rarely present. I will explore why in future writing.

~ Anna

Any comments, questions and anything you would like me to expand on, please do mention it below, I do love to hear from you.